23 Brutally Honest Tweets About Married Life

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LiterallyLily17
Oct 17, 2021 6:00 PM EDT

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary boring moments in between. Yet somehow, the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the routine of married life and sum it up perfectly in no more than 280 characters. We can't blame parents who need to lament about having to relearn algebra and shlep their kids back and forth to various clubs and practices. Married couples appreciate the little moments more and it shows. Keep reading to see the funniest and most relatable marriage tweets of the past month. 

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  • 01
    Font - Jawbreaker @sixfootcandy *sitting on the beach watching the sunset* Husband: What are you thinking about beautiful? Me: *thinking about pasta*...Us 6:45 PM · Sep 13, 2021
    via @sixfootcandy
  • 02
    Font - Mama Needs A Coke @MamaNeedsACoke Get married so when you pour your heart out, someone is always there to say, 'what?' 2:12 PM · Sep 8, 2021 1.2K 35 1 Share this Tweet
    via @mamaneedsacoke
  • 03
    Font - NicholasG @Dad_At_Law Let's get married and have kids so instead of relaxing during weeknights we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra. 2:44 PM · Sep 14, 2021
    via @dad_at_law
  • 04
    Rectangle - Eli McCann @EliMcCann I told my husband if he ever leaves me l'm going to be super mad but I will consider writing him a letter of recommendation for his next marriage. 4:50 PM · Sep 8, 2021
    via @elimccann
  • 05
    Forehead - an english inhuman @English_Channel My wife, when I start a sentence "you know what I think?"
    via @english_channel
  • 06
    Font - SpacedMom @copymama One of my favorite parts of marriage is when we separate and talk to different people at a social event, then download all the gossip to each other on the ride home. 3:09 PM · Aug 5, 2021
    via @copymama
  • 07
    Font - NicholasG @Dad_At_Law My wife just sliced some cheese onto a cutting board, poured out a box of crackers on top of it and declared, "Charcuterie" to our dinner guests so naturally l'll be proposing to her again tonight. 1:50 AM · Aug 21, 2021 1.7K 9 31 1 Share this Tweet
    via @dad_at_law
  • 08
    Font - Jawbreaker @sixfootcandy My husband lost a bet and has to wash the dishes for a month, and I just got a credit card alert that someone just spent $200 at Costco. If that man walks in the door with $200 of paper goods, I'm making it 2 months. 6:27 PM · Aug 13, 2021
    via @sixfootcandy
  • 09
    Font - Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness When my wife gets upset at me I sneak into her Netflix profile and give thumbs up to the most boring documentaries 4:19 AM · Aug 6, 2021
    via @chhapiness
  • 10
    Font - Yard Dad @IAmYardDad Wife: I need to lose weight Me: Maybe you should work out Wife: Maybe we should workout together Me: Maybe I should mind my own business 2:45 PM · Aug 21, 2021
    via @iamyarddad
  • 11
    Font - Jessie @mommajessiec Husband, Day 1 of marriage: Where do we keep the can opener? Husband, Day 4563 of marriage: Where do we keep the can opener? 4:35 PM · Aug 27, 2021
    via @mommajessiec
  • 12
    Font - Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix Wife: [putting frozen strawberries into blender] Child: Ooooh making smoothies? Wife: [emptying bottle of wine into blender]: kind of 3:12 PM · Sep 6, 2021 791 8 1, Share this Tweet
    via @rodlacroix
  • 13
    Rectangle - Jessie @mommajessiec How to start an argument with your wife in one letter or less: "K" 8:06 PM · Sep 8, 2021 387 25 1 Share this Tweet
    via @mommajessiec
  • 14
    Font - Jawbreaker @sixfootcandy Find yourself a spouse who giggles when the ketchup bottle farts. 6:21 PM · Sep 9, 2021 976 36 1 Share this Tweet Tweet your reply
    via @sixfootcandy
  • 15
    Font - Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal After seven years of marriage, I can always guess what's bothering my wife. I'm never right, but I can always guess. 8:47 PM · Sep 9, 2021
    via @henpackedhal
  • 16
    Font - Andi @smiles_and_nods Husband: Wow the place looks great! Who's coming over? Me: The housekeeper. 3:00 PM · Sep 3, 2021
    via @smiles_and_nods
  • 17
    Rectangle - Maryfairyboberry @maryfairybobrry Wives only want one thing and it's for you to open your eyes man because your keys are literally right there in front of your face 1:18 PM · Sep 8, 2021
    via @maryfairybobrry
  • 18
    Font - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn My wife sent me out alone to grab something "really quick" from Ikea. It's the most subtle way l've ever seen to ask for divorce. 1:31 AM · Aug 31, 2021
    via @xplodingunicorn
  • 19
    Rectangle - Emily TM @emily_tweets My husband cheated on me in my dream last night, so naturally I'm giving him the silent treatment all day until he apologizes accordingly. 3:56 PM · Aug 16, 2021
    via @emily_tweets
  • 20
    Font - mariana Z @mariana057 My wife just threw away bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I'm married to a psychopath... 5:38 PM · Aug 23, 2021 1.3K 130 ↑, Share this Tweet
    via @mariana057
  • 21
    Font - Simon Holland @simoncholland Sometimes, as a little treat for my wife, I turn the volume down to 90% when I watch a video on my phone. 2:07 AM · Sep 16, 2021
    via @simoncholland
  • 22
    Font - Jessie @mommajessiec I don't do escape rooms. If I wanted to feel trapped and confused for an hour, l'd ask my husband to explain how Bitcoin works. 12:35 AM · Sep 11, 2021
    via @mommajessiec
  • 23
    Rectangle - Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness Once married the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket 6:54 PM · Aug 18, 2021
    via @chhapiness

    Like what you see? Find more hilarious women's memes and crazy stories on our Instagram @Cheezcake_Humor. 

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